Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
