if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
