I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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