Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
