Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
