Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
