So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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