He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
