I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
