thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
