She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
