the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
