May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
