We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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