Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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