Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
