you told grandpa to call you daddy
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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