I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize