My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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