morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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