apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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