I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
