she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
