Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
