I think I died a long time ago.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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