Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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