Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
