I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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