shes about as inviting as chlamydia
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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