he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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