We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
