i jhust puked up my retainher.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
