I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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