its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
