dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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