I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
