Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
