I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
