fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Screwed.edu
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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