i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
