does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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