I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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