I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
