Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
