i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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