The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
