i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
