The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
