so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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