note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
