Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
