I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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