Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
