I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
