Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
