guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize