he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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