Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
