Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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