I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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