Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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