If i come over, it means nothing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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