I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
