I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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