Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
