Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
