Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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