Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
