i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
