it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
