I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Bring me that man meat
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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