i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
