i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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